Mourning Breakfast
Happy New Year!... I think.
I’m back, I’m back! I didn’t mean to stay away for so long but moving and holidays and children, oh my! As we are settling in and finding new normalcy I finally have some time to write. First, thanks to everyone who dropped by the new merch shop, made donations or sent tips, and signed up to be paid subscribers the past couple of months have been much easier with your support. Here’s to a smoother 2024!
This morning the dog was playing his favorite game of Steal & Run when he bumped into the table holding one of the kid’s beloved bowls of oatmeal. The oatmeal that had been thoughtfully prepared by said kid and was cooling to the perfect temperature fell completely upside on the floor, bowl and all. There was a brief outburst of disappointment followed by a few unsuccessful attempts at picking up the hot bowl. After a few minutes my son walked away and chose to focus on something else.
Now, I know this feeling. We probably all know this feeling of carefully preparing or ordering a dish we’ve been craving only to have it go wrong one way or another. One time, after I’d worked a 9-hour day and wanted nothing more than to sit with my family and have a hearty dinner, this same kid (then one year old) walked up to the table and pulled at my opened Chipotle burrito wrapper resulting in the entire meal falling onto the kitchen floor. I might have cried. There’s something about a meal deferred that’s distressful in a unique way. You know it’s not the last burrito on the planet but all of your hopes and dreams for the next many moments were wrapped up in that tortilla.
When the oatmeal fell I immediately started to try to fix the situation. “Hey, thankfully we have more.”, “Theo didn’t do it on purpose.” You know the thing we moms do when we want to mitigate the disruption. I could feel my son’s sadness at his ruined breakfast and I wanted there to be a quick fix. Instead he wanted to sit with his feelings, having a moment of silence for the oatmeal. Pointing out how inconsiderate I was being his brother said, “He’s still mourning that breakfast.”
Way to shut me up, kid.
We all know the feelings of loss or heartache big and small and we all know that sometimes the only thing that can make it hurt less is time. This reminded me of the past few years and the ways I’ve tried to fix my broken little world. Maybe I thought there was a magical answer, something that would come with a new location or within a particular friendship. Maybe I thought if I could quickly remake the oatmeal I could bypass some of the difficulty I was guaranteed to face. But, of course, life doesn’t work that way.
I have already been challenging myself to lean into more constructive thinking and to live less in the overall dread and there was something about seeing my kids react with appropriate emotions and an honest reflection of each other’s feelings that made this challenge easy. I don’t have it all figured out but I have created a home where they can feel their feelings and speak their minds and that must count for something.
BTW, after a while, the kid settled on having cereal instead and Theo eventually knocked that over, too.
Last month, I started Kindness As An Action with the intent to go 25 days in a row but, in part, because I thought it would be impossible to move so quickly. Thankfully, I was wrong. Here are the next prompts and if you care to do one or two or a few, that would be lovely. For future reference, you can download the full set of Kindness Actions for free at revolutionaryhumans.com.
This is a silly one but it’s kind of my favorite. Create a rainbow that you can hang up and perhaps spread some cheer for passersby. Other ideas include sunshine, a cute crafted bumblebee, hearts, or even something brightly colored and abstract. Every community needs more artsy joy and this is our way of adding some.
Leave a card or note or something yummy for a neighbor who looks out for you or maybe one who seems a little lonely.
Send a short and sweet email or note to your favorite educator and let them know why you appreciate them.
This can be a hard one because sometimes it’s much easier to be kind to others than it is to give ourselves space to be human. Spend a day allowing yourself to be okay just as you are. Maybe journal away some worries or
Listen to a podcast with a new to you perspective. I have my comfort podcasts and you probably do, too. But perhaps we can all branch out and hear some new perspectives. Especially since it’s the beginning of the year I noticed more diverse voices coming up as recommendations on my podcast app. Leave a comment with a podcast you love because it helps you see a perspective outside of your own or better understand a specific area of marginalization.
Come to our Book Club, it’s Virtual!
Argh, yes, I also tend to jump to try to fix it and sometimes we just have to let other people feel their feelings for a while. It's really freaking hard, though!
Podcast-wise, I know that we share some favorites (Best Friends with Nicole and Sasheer as well as Couples Therapy). I also love Maintenance Phase and If Books Could Kill, and I am super-basic in that I still really enjoy some of the really big podcasts like The Moth and This American Life. I have lots of others that I listen to regularly, but I could probably pare down to just those 6 if I needed to and feel pretty fulfilled.
Ooh, "He’s still mourning *that* breakfast" -- I hope that plays in my head next time I need it! I'm always launching myself headfirst into fix-it mode. Going to try to learn from your kids' clear-headed wisdom. <3